BEAUTIFIED PRINCESS x. FEAT. Miss Beauty Queen.

Friday, September 29

11:27 PM

; youure' my mr. nice guy

study day today. went out with
my boy. studied at causeway pt.
bought tickets for the flick,
"stay alive". hardcore thriller.
super. nd the zombies walks like
retards. hah. but its a relatively
good thriller horror show. [:

i'll rate it,
8/10. [:

nd ryan told me,
i scared the girl next t me
when i screamed. haha.
she jumped nd jerked.
-funny! ok.

...

youu know how it feels when youure
being watched. youur actions, words
nd every step youu take matters.
sometimes i wished a dove would
fly by nd take me t freedom city.

i've got my ideal life i look for,
but its not going t work that way.

youu asked me why, why, why.
it's simply because i always get
so stressed up nd scared by youur
reactions nd the outcome of it.
im scared t lose youu, at the same
time wanting t go out with another.

youu never know how it feels t be
standing at my position. it feels
as if i did something wrong but
t me, it doesnt seem wrong at all.

we've got through two years,
avoiding this topic like some
transparant figure when it is
actually staring right at our face.
knowing if we conquer it,
it might just break us apart.

our thinkings are two totally different
minds. i donnte`know how t suit youu,
neither do youu. im just so scared.

i donnt know how t pull through this.
but i still love you.

Thursday, September 28

11:30 PM

; some make my day [:

happy 2 years anniversary!
[:

-blows kisses.

the two guys who made my day.
yeap, really entertaining.
stupid nic wong. he's high.
aha, matt heafy.. -laughs!
nd ryan, the silly one who
cannot eat ice cream properly.

shall blog more tmr!
toodles hot mama. [:

Wednesday, September 27

11:02 PM

; take a peek of the beauties

grad night photos [:
<3!

Tuesday, September 26

10:07 PM

; th way youu look tonight

sorry for the disappearance.
was too busy with my crazaye
days nd dates. [:

my piano practical is over.
think i screwed up on it.
-peeved. i didnt study for it though.
nd let alone, practice for practical.
>]]]: -frowns

friday, helped out in grad night.
will upload th photos next. [[:
it was kinda fun. seeing th
them graduate, looking prettehh
nd gorgeous in their white dresses.
nd yes, even th average lookers
looked stunning. >:DDD -gleems.

cynthia nd gloria was my favourite
highlights. aha, i mean they were
like th outstanding ones. haha.
-grins. trust me, they were gorgeous.

phoebe nd i were like playing nd
slacking around. th balloons,
nd photos. haha. mr hamzah was
looking really handsome man.
we helped with th food too.
phoebe nd i kept stealing cream puff
onto our little ''underground'' plate.

witnessed many people getting
sent away nd not allowed t get
into th grad night show. hmmm.
it was kinda funny. nd i feel sad
for some graduatees, crying on their
grad night. that's th last thing i
ever want t do on my best night. [:

phoebe, nicole nd i walked t simpang.
bought drinks, went home almost 12am.

..

saturday

supposed t go chec. but
figured out that i was sucha
lazy bum so i stayed home nd
eat. nd guess what, i slept for
three hours. it's my nap. -.-

rushed t church after. >:DD
church was fab. as usual.
sun ho was prettehhhhh.
i wanna be like her man. [:
seriously. with sucha wonderful,
charming, dashing hubby as a pastor.
HAHA. -grins.

pastor kong : .. nd give youur neighbours a hug.
me : -looks left, looks right [both guys]
bobby : -looks down at me.
me : -looks up.
.. silence
me : -crackle. ahahaha. er.
me : -fling my arms open.

ok. alison practically laughed so hard
over that awkward hug ok. i wanted t
hug her but she was busy so ya. -.-"

had dinner with cell. discovered some
unique qualities of the members. hah.
went home with bro ian. waited for my
bus like one hour ?! 12's legend man.
-pffft. stupid bus.

sunday

went t church again. [:
yeap, i donnte`know why but i love
th marriage seminar pastor kong's
talking about. nd moreover, it's th
last weekend for this bible study ha.

cabbed t church. got pissed with mum
cos th bus came but we didnt flag.
nd it zoomed past us. so yeah. -.-

sat with my ryan. (:
funny service. explicit too.
left t attributes t change my
membership card. haha.
met up with sis alice. prayed
for me nd shared some notes.
yeah yeah. -smiles

met baby nd his cell at foyer.
he got me a rose! <3>:x

ok his cell was fun t be with.
we went t pennisula. was
hunting for guitars for some guy.
yeah. i was unwell alr. so was
lazing around. enjoyed th company
with them though. (:

after half th day there, we decided
t leave. th rest went t esplanade.
so yeap. left with this young mature
looking boy. he looked 15 ok. he's 13.
big gap man. LOL.

went t baby's house. then i realised,
i had a high fever. my whole body
was burning nd i could feel th heat
even when im wrapped in th blanket.
but i was still feeling cold. -.-

went off at around 8pm. followed
him t get his ear studs. then went
home. i was feeling terrible in the
bus man. sleeping at a corner, like
an ice block. head spinning, feeling
giddy nd cold. -growls. it sucked.
crawled my way home alone.

secretly told my brother. but told
him t keep a secret. he's cute.
[: at that time luhh. HAHA.

took my temperature nd aha,
39.3 degrees. i freaked out.
HAHA. watched singapore idol,
jonathan's hot ok. [: nd i think
my temperature rised again.
jonathan's hot thats why it
keep rising. HAHA.

omgomg.
i love jonathan leong!

told my mum about my fever.
she wasnt feeling well too.
had an early night. nd boy,
the best thing having a fever
is when youu can feel as though
youure soaked up in hot bathing
water for hours without being wrinkled.

nd yes, i recovered th next morning.
many questioned t th speedy recovery.
i wonder why too. [:

photos up next.
nd btw, donnt ever mention t me
about hadi being th singapore idol.
he sucked. still singing out of tune
at the finals. wonder how he won.

JONATHAN LEONG, my love. [:
shit. i think i'm having deep
affections for this charming guy.

ok. toodles.

Wednesday, September 20

9:33 PM

; donnt try t play the game

every little thing youu do is magic,
everything youu do just turns me on.
even though my life before was tragic,
now i know my love for her goes on.

; so youu think it's
youur turn t play th game ?

meet my baby, der.
nd her lovely eyebrows. [:
hot hairy eyebrows, ha.

ok. meet the longest fries
youu'll ever see. [:
nd yeap, meet kat.
the crazy side of her.

ok meet my crazy lovely girls.
sam nd laura. nd yes, laura
just wanted t screw my cam. [:

HAHA nd that boy,
my brother. :DD
the lost sheep.

...

school's getting worst.
tmr im having my music
practical nd i cannt believe
i've not practiced for it.
how screwed up can i get ?
-growls. cannt believe it, bitch.

went airport yesterday.
starbucks was full. so went
t mac instead. [: heh.

studying, playing, laughing.
yeap. pixel perfect. (:
i knew i always loved airport.
yeah, i always did. >:DDD

der said,
"go be an air stewardess, youu can"

ohh, i love this girl.
she can be so random.

>>

went for tuition today.
God blessed me with the
surprising knowledge, ha.
suddenly being able t answer
questions i never knew. LOL.
>:DD -grins.

laura said,
"can i have youur brains ?"

ohno, she's hungry.
like always. just like me.

anyways, im super tired nd stressed.
seeing paul on stage again makes
me fly high. nd higher. -grins widely.

Monday, September 18

11:32 PM

; hit me baby, one more time

sunshine after the rain [:

i see blue birds flying.
everything feels as if
it's back t normal. >:DD

>>

shit. shit. shit.

shit.

arghh. n'levels not hitting into me.
it's two weeeks, victoria!
ah, im the biggest fool around.
dumb enough not t panick ...
but lose hope alr. -sulks.

school sucked, as usual.
cabbed t airport after school.
i'm prettehh glad t be back. [:

went t starbucks. sat on this
unusual round non-leaning back
chair haha. it rocks man. >:DD
ok we studied. nd talked about
God nd stuff. its fun, somehow.
haha. experiences nd stories.
ohh man. supernatural can get
really really exciting nd interesting.

bought my polar hot dog puff.
omg. i swallowed half a finger-long
hot dog down nd i promise youu,
i panicked nd oxygen stopped flowing
t my head. the only thing i did was
panickly point at der's drink. nd started
slurping it down. until now, the hotdog's
kinda hurting my chest. nd yes, its there.

laura came after at 5pm. yeap.
we did our work. bought ice cream!
haha. love it man. we left around
6.40pm. nd went blabbering about
our kiss the dust characters nd
naming any tourist we see. >:p
-grins. super duper crazayee.

went home nd watched twister.
second time im watching. but
never fail t make me so excited
nd panicky. those tornados. >]]:

/who donnt wanna be prettehhh ?

Sunday, September 17

9:23 PM

lovely, never ever change.
keep that breathless charm,
wont youu please arrange it ?

saturday

was too lazy t head t starbucks
t study hah. overslept. so yeap.
decided t stay home nd watch
teevee for the morning. [:

headed t church after.
i was happy happy!
i love my cell haha.
had so much fun. [[:

budi was funny. keep
bumping into him at the cathay
nd plaza singapura. haha. handsome.

service was great.
extremely funny yet knowledgable.
haha. ohhman, pastor kong rocks.
had dinner with cell. had lots of fun
laughing nd laughing. haha. bro ian
was mean lol. but he's nice too.

ruby : benny, what are we taking ?
benny : bus.
me : nono, youur helicopter's there.
bro ian : urm, is that supposed t be funny ?
me : -.-" ohh man..
bro ian : nono, seriously. i just wanna know.
me : AH. -laughs. ohh man nvm. [:

haha. stayed with jiahui, wilson,
guifang nd cheryl till close t eleven.
decided t go home. yup. lonely night.
only mum nd i were home lol.
my bro's at camp. omg nd yes,
he's at changi adventure camp!
ah, brings back great memories.

sunday

service was superb today.
saw kamyew. super botak.
sat with ally. [: prettehhhh.
pastor kong was funnny!

learnt many new things today.
yeah yeah. met sis alice, benny
nd amanda after service. haha.
we waited for darling t come.
then took train together. [:

baby nd i went t dhoby ghaut.
ate our favourite beancurd nd
roti prata. it was fab. >:DD
i love great tasting food.
ohhman. it's my hobbby.

we walked around. he showed
me a 'porn' shop. haha some
massaging shop in some secluded
shopping centre. the massager
dressed so .. little haha. i wonder
what kinda massage the guys get
behind those dirty brown curtains.
>:x ohh god.

we walked around nd stuff.
had our laughs. nd yes, we
broke out into terrible cold war.
ok, he blame me. -.-"
i still feel its a misunderstanding.
my voice can be so deceiving. ay.

kinda hurt. had our cold war
from plaza singapura t heeren.
totally. i held back my tears.
it kept coming out though i
let the wind dry them up.
couldnt take it anymore, i went
t heeren ladies nd cried my
heart out. what's with all the
problems im facing in life.
everything's screwed. >]]:

sent him back t yishun. went
t the pet store nd got ham
ham's treat [:
walked around north point.
ate polky. nd went home.

i've been eating pineapples
for three days alr. haha.
i donnt know why, but it's
getting nicer everytime.

>>

nd that laugh,
that wrinkles youur nose,
it touches my foolish heart.

Friday, September 15

10:35 PM

; waiting for miracles t happen

sometimes i feel lost
in a sea of insecurity,
that rages inside of me.
so terribly caught nd the
waves of self-rejection make
me question my ability.
there's a voice inside,
nd all it wants is t be heard.

does anybody know how i feel ?
sometimes im numb,
sometimes im overcome.
does anybody care what's going on.
do i have to wear my scars
like a badge on my arm
for youu to see me ?

how am i supposed t leave youu now
when youure looking like that.
i cannt believe what i just gave away.
now i cannt take it back.
i donnt wanna get lost,
i donnt wanna live my life without youu.

i don't wanna forget youu,
i don't even wanna try.
how am i supposed t walk on ..

5:20 PM

; silent killer

since july 15 ..

i kept it inside of me.
i tolerated the gap nd acted fine.
i'm good at this, but it sucked.
i feel like crap all this while.
it has been exactly two months.
yeap. it's september 15 today.
i always remembered that day.

youu guys treated me so differently.
there was something more t that.
something deeper that happened.
backstabs, sabotage.. ?
i cannot help but think.

did youu all make a vow or promise,
not t be close t me or something ?
was i really youur problem ?
so i read, youu solved youur prob.
that's good. nd i guess,
it might have been me.

only a fool will not notice the
sudden change from then.
now, i feel like an idiot.
as though i've been played on
throughout this friendship which
i thought was so real nd true.

this is suicidal.

nd someone, pleaase tell me
what happened over that
stupid weekend of july.

nicole shaan asked me that day,
"who do youu call when youu
need someone t talk t other
than youur boyfriend ?"

i stoned.
nd realised, nobody.
yeap. nobody.

i donnt even know what youu
guys want anymore. nd let alone,
what i want for myself.
i wonder who will turn up,
if my funeral was tmr.

this is totally murderous.

Thursday, September 14

11:10 PM

; a hug, pleaase ?

i really need a hug now.
desperately.

yes, youu.
touched me deeply.
youu made me tear
like never before.
youur words felt real.
sincerely from the heart.

those wonderful flashbacks, totally.
from being my "baby" t the panty-flasher,
t the revealing of my butt, t the serious talk.
youu make me feel like i matter.
youu make me cry buckets of tears,
just enough t fill the ocean.

thank youu so much, "baby".
we feel youur love.
<3 youu toooo.

Wednesday, September 13

10:42 PM

; this is a harder way t love

i feel ostracized.

im speechless for all that matters.
for a friend, youu'll go an extra mile.
i donnt know what or even how t feel.
i'm totally emotionless.

im tired of trying t fit in.
youu make it sound as if
i was bad company. i'm not
a smoker, neither a drug addict.
what's wrong w anyone mixing
with me. i know, youu all donnt like me.

i feel like shit man.
arghhhh. i donnt know.
i feel hurt, somehow.
totally speaks for my compo,
a friendship that turned sour.

in conclusion,
youu guys donnt even appreciate me.

>

i slept like 4 hours just now.
since four t eight at night.
i donnte`know whats wrong w me.
it was if i was in a long nightmare.

singapore idol was weird without
paul. jasmine's a bore nd i donnt
understand why shes in the top 3.
it's a scandal, trust me. [:

yeap, i'm voting for jon.
i wanna marry jonathan leong. [:
i think the song he sang was
for me. somehow. ryan thought so too.
>:x he's my drop-dead charmer.

n's in two weeks. how.
i donnt even feel motivated.
nd things that are happening now,
i feel that leaving sac without a prom
night/grad night is somehow fine.
( although i really wanna go sec 5
just for the prom nd grad nights. )

nd guess what.
only eight people[!!] in my class
made in t sec five from our prelims.
i feel like jumping off the building.

;this isn't happening t me
tell me its a nightmare.

Sunday, September 10

10:57 PM

; beautiful faces

that unforgetable night.
kept in my love book [:

10:07 PM

; subway!

i suddenly remembered
a conversation which
happened on sunday. [:

after service at expo mrt,
we met ryan's cellgroup friend.

me : -talking t ryan..
sherrine[sp] : -walked over.
me : -smiles.
ryan : -talks t her.
sherrine : -looked at me stunningly.
me : O.O urm.. hi. [:
sherrine : -continues t look bewilderedly.
me : er.. haha im victoria. -waves.
sherrine : er.. er. hello. sherrine.

continues t look at me in a shocked,
amused, stunned face ..

sherrine : youu gf ard ?
ryan : ya.
sherrine : hen chio lehhh!
me : er ?! no -.-
sherrine : -whined. why so chio ?! [chinese]
me : [i think shes mad]
sherrine : ahhh. i think i go the other side.

...

ok dots.
ryan got interesting members.
she looked at me as though
i was an alien. nd worst, she
doesnt say anything but stares..
with her mouth open. [!]

nd i kinda thought of it during
subway nd didnt realised i was
smiling. >:x ryan spotted me.
how stupid.

HERE'S SUBWAY. [: