BEAUTIFIED PRINCESS x. FEAT. Miss Beauty Queen.

Friday, June 23

11:30 PM

; should i scream or should i cry ?

-so peeeveeed.

i'm so pissed nd angry now that
i donnte`know what t do man.
i hardly act like a child of God,
even if i'm one. >:(

what my mum said was right.
i attend church nd cellgroup
no difference. i became worst.
without a shadow of a doubt,
i thought maybe i really did.

i'm a really hot tempered girl,
nd i tried t control my temper.
most of the time, i will break
down. all soaked in tears.
tolerance was hard for me.
i tried nd tried. sometimes
i succeed, sometimes i fail.

i feel like shit when i sin.
i feel like a monster when i scream.
i feel like an idiot.

my brother changed alot over
the holidays. his camp had changed
sucha him into a different person.
he's no longer the helpful, loving one.
he's now the threatening one, rude,
heartless creature i've ever met.
it hurts me so badly that i sometimes
wonder if he's my brother.

i feel stupid now.
didnt overcome my temper,
got scoldings from my mum,
all because of my brother.
nd crying infront of the computer
screen is all i ever do.

i donnt know what t feel right now.
i just wished i was bold enough
t runaway from home. anywhere
but home. i never liked t stay at home.
besides the computer nd the teevee,
i never enjoy nags, scoldings nd loneliness.

; can someone tell me if i should
smile or cry ?

i've always been a source of
encouragement t people arnd
me. a form of blessing t them.
but why havent i become a
blessing nd encouragement
t my family nd myself ?

; yet another happy report,
i've been an encouragement
t nicholas phua. that feeling
was something no words can
describe.

i always looked happy on the outside.
but deep down inside,
im torn apart.

heh.