my life's pretty screwed.
last two weeks had drove me near grave.
it was crazy. i lost two wallets in two weeks.
nd yes, i remember giving two weeks for my
precious ripcurl wallet t come back nd yes,
nothing.


nothing at all.
no calls.
no nothing.
damn.


that's not all.
things had gone even worst.
im drifting away from cellgroup.
really. i think im just extra there.
everyone's just talking about JAYCEE.
nd yes, im sorta the youngest there,
considering not seeing joan nd nicholas.
infact, everyone in cell are all at jaycee.
i understanding 0% of what they talk about.
holding in mind, a decision t change cell.
but c'mon, its not that easy t change.
not like, "i wanna change" nd tada. im gone.
rubbish luhh. but still, what if i get into a cell
nd all starts the same again. ay, it sucked.

i miss the old e31.
those were the very fun times.
everyone was so loving nd involving.
nobody was ever left aside t dig her entertainment.
im not trying t say e31 people now suck.
they are wonderful nd nice people.
but its maybe, me.
the problem lies with me.
i donnt fit in a single inch.


yesterday was another screwed up day.
ONLY at the end. beginning was great.
with daphne. yuppp. bloody neoprints.
shant elaborate. it boils the shit outta me.
why are all this happening t me ?


is it because God had stopped protecting me ?
is it because God gave up on me ?
is it because He had wash his hands off me ?
is it because i'm just an unfaithful bitch ?
is it because i'm a waste of time ?
is it because God donnt like me ?
ND.& IS IT BECAUSE HE DONNT LOVE ME NOMORE


sigh. i cried nd cried during worship.
hoping answers will drop from heaven.
i prayed nd prayed. i cried nd cried.
i screamed nd cried my whole heart out.
im a pathetic piece of shit.

WHERE ARE YOUU GOD ?
TELL ME THE WAY T LIFE.
TELL ME HOW YOUU WANT ME T LIVE.
ITS KILLING ME.


; youu brought me up so high * >
'but youu threw me back down ___ ;

i'll take off this crown nd fall at youur feet,
the secret of joy are the moments we meet.
how could a man with all of youur fame,
pull me from darkness nd call me by name.


i wanna be back into the arms of my beautiful one.