somehow, im feeling down.
i donnt know what's wrong with me.
i donnt think i'll ever be happy on
my birthday. sigh.
i feel like crap now. =/

surprise birthday sounds good.
i envy her.

...

went for churchwide bible study yesterday.
it was sure good. (: the tabenacle. hahas.
had a break at 940pm. ah, i thought it ended.
my mum sure nagged at me for not leaving.
ohh well. i felt kinda bad and guilty when
pastor kong said the prayer. it applied t me.
i hurt others, and i hurt myself. i didnt know
what t do. for what i know, i donnt feel good
in my heart. sigh. ARGH.

today.
malay's new year. i will be bored stiff at home.
maplystory is pretty empty for the first time. (:
okay i can hear weird chinese operas being
played in my neighbourhood. hmm, malay do
hear chinese operas ? =/ interesting.
tomorrow, cell will be heading t amanda's
house for a surprise birthday party. sigh. i donnt
know if i should turn up. i think it's gonna be
weird and awkward. i donnt feel belonged with
them anymore. i feel awkward and weird. it's
as if i never got t know them at all. i know whats
empty in my heart now. ohh shucks.
i hate this feeling of emptiness and loniness.
ah, but its all my fault that all this happens.
maybe i should just sleep and sleep and,
never wake up anymore. i donnt wanna recall a
thing. sigh. ohh look what i've done.

ah, i hate life now.
i just hate it. =/