sorry for the super late update. was terribly busy. ha, my room is in a mess. havent been packing. ohh well. mum's nagging. yucks. okay. lemme try update whatever comes t memory. im super depressed and moody.

saturday ;
woke up super early. went for cell. it was dawn, so early. was so so tired. okay reached there early, first time (: it started t rain, poor thing for those who are on their way. ohh well, cell group hasnt been like those last time. its the people la. im not close t like any of them. it seems like they are just come and go. ohh well. celebrated bro alvin's birthday after that. amanda kinda ruined the surprise - she left the cake outside unattended so bro alvin went out and came back t the room saying, "am i supposed t light the candles myself ?" its kinda funny. had t say something nice t him. everyone was like writing some essay with the same heading, "happy birthday bro alvin. i have been in church for ... " ha, i started, "A VERY VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY bro alvin. (:" anyways, had the cake then rushed home for piano. i was late. terribly late la. piano teacher was home alr. yupp.

went out with family and grandma. went t town, got darren's birthday present. went shaw centre t get my blouse. yuck, its so big and the length seems the same. my mum said i looked like a chef. (: hohoho, santa food is here. yummy. okay went t taka. bought tops from giodano. had some shots taken in the fitting room but will upload them soon after i got the memory card. (: met simba then left t changi village t eat. ate alot. a l o t.

sunday ;
service was alright. had bible study before service. yupp. okay t come back t the point, i finally realised i really do matter in God's eyes. God gave some spiritual discernments t *people. seriously, i almost cried upon hearing that. infact, i do have problem with my spiritual life. im dry. very d r y. actually, i think friends do play a part in youur spiritual life and t think about it, i used t be sooo on fire for God cos i had pretty much close church friends. but now, i donnt feel and see any. infact, sometimes i feel made used of. disgusts and irritates me. sigh. im worried, backslidding - seems like a thing which i never thought i might do but now, it scares me. SIGH.
after service, well messed up bro alvin's car t surprise him. filled it with many balloons. waited and waited. finally, he came with those surprised face. ohh well. those balloons really occupied spaces. sister huimin and xinyi couldnt hitch a ride anymore. ohh well, after that, maria asked me t have dinner with them. but naah, i guess i aint close t anyone of them except maria who was super friendly and open t everyone there. so i backed off and went home.

today ;

had photo taking. ah, fun shot was taken away. it sucked. :/ stupid school. made me so excited for no reason. blow off. okay had recess. after that, was punished outside class for coming back late t class. so missed 1 hour of maths. great. what a teacher. its like more than ten girls la. and after that, had english. mrs chua wasnt available so had relieve teacher. okay we were all talking about ghost stories and encounters. that mr kok came t leture us. i got so pissed, i shouted back, " stop being so biased la ! look at the class youurself, youu tell me, who's not talking. youu see, there, there, there, there and there. donnt come here and pick on us la. c'mon la." wth, he irritates me. got so blown away by what i yelled but ohh well. do work then do work la. had chinese after that. kept singing and singing. yupp. poor mr ng, ah he cried. "some sort" cos he's dad was unconscious in the hospital. that reminds me of *tuesdays with morrie. okay i cried reading that book. taught me so much. when youu learn how t die, youu'll learn how t live. youu will learn how t see things in a whole new way like youu'e seen them for the first time. gosh, i studied that book. its just me, i love studying life.
had tutorial after school. then went t daphne's house with eslynn. it was fun and wild. hahas, eslynn chases the parrot like a monster - raaarrr. (: ya daphne and i were indulging in the cam on the bed. LOL. eslynn's dirty minded - her blog. ha, what having fun on the bed ? PLEASE. camera fun. (: yupp elkan was cute but fierce. AH, he looked like he wanted t kill me that instance. ha, okay we went nuts with camera. ya went home at 7.20pm.

okay, promises. promises. promises. im tired of everything la. okay im sorry if i had promised youu something but is unable t fufill it. sorry. [ thats t everyone ]
guys guys guys. i guess i rather be lesbian for the rest of my life. as in, friends all girls ? i donnt think i ever need guy friends if i cannt go out with them and stuff. im not used t such thing. i do what i want and i donnt see anything wrong going out with guys alone. i wanna be like an ordinary girl. like anyone youu see on the streets. im human too. sigh, i donnt like this. i donnt like everything. my spiritual life needs some help for *FRIENDS - true friends that are there rain or shine, my life - i donnt know. i feel like running away from everything. but i learnt [tuesdays with morrie], we are not supposed t run away from our prob. and yes i can run t God but everything is all so screwed up and ruined up.

; let this be my cry t youu, Lord.
what's this in my life.
please tell me if he is the one for me.
show me my future.
teach me youur ways.
teach me how t solve all this fuss and ruins.
i wanna see things and learn things like *morrie.
PLEASE HELP ME.
i cannt take this anymore.
i donnt like all this.
take me t a place,
where none of this problems and people would be there.
i need freedom from this caged up life.
Lord, show me the way.

sigh.